SALT OV THE EARTH

SALT OV THE EARTH
The Rev

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Dunno What This Says About Me

 
...a month ago I set up shop and rented a little shanty for 400 bucks a month.  Places in that price range tend to come with a few kinks. My shit is no exception. Upon move in I noticed that my toilet simply dumped human waste onto the ground. It was a pipe to nowhere. Also, there is no heat or air.  There is a fireplace, which explains why it has a continuous scent of a house fire. I'm good with all these minor irritants as I aint a bitch.  Earlier this week I made the grim discovery of mice popping in and laying down their vermin shits in my sink and cupboards.  So, to Big Lots I went and I aquired a 4 pack of head snapping fun. Of course I cheaped out and got the shitty ones. So on day one I excitedly loaded peanut butter upon the trigger and smiled because I didn't snap my damn fingers loose. I slept with a kNowing smile. I wake up and rush for the traps like a boy to a christmas tree. all the peanut butter was devoured yet no trap had triggered. The mice were members of the clean plate club.  Needless to say, I was inconsolable. Beaten but not broken, I modified the traps to fire more easily and added poison to my arsenal. Killing is my business and as of this morning, business is good. 2 traps still were eaten and not fired but good ol' #3 made me feel like a big man for putting an end to the brown and white varmit. Traps reloaded, and I'm out of town for 2 days so I anticipate returning to an array of corpses. Wish me luck.

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